“A Suicidal Tail”

I awoke to today’s dawn with a notion that life wasn’t one of my finest assets, a thought that burgeoned at about 7:00 am this morning with a sprint as though it would run over my very survival. By 7:45 am my idea was no longer a notion, it was wicked certainty. My vim and vigor were both prisoners of war, caught within the mêlée of my inherent suicidal contract with my self. The door bell rang at 7:58am amidst my self-destructive catch-22 should I or shouldn’t I; answer the doorbell!

As I walked doubtfully to greet my unwanted company, my thoughts wandered from last night’s argument with her to the meeting for 9:00am. Which undeniably I was going to pass over for a day spent in desperate deliberation followed by the performance itself. 8:00 am I reached the door it was ajar, I sauntered out but came back right in wasn’t in the mood for a social casualty with the new neighbors across the hall over the ledge. Time was airborne I peered out of the window and it was 10:00 am, there was a commotion across the boulevard. Seemed like a scuffle between a canis aureus and a hominid, ugh! I couldn’t stand the fracas; I have never been a morning being. I love my mornings sluggish with a good stint of milk for the power that I always seem to lack. No thumping to blaring music beats in the morning like my flat mate. I really wonder where she gets the vigor from to be out all day, no siestas in the day and then to come back to the flat and stare at the wall, for hours and hear others making strange noises.

10:46 am, am almost dosing off got to keep awake and figure out my problems once and for all, take that decisive step to end this misery. I decide to tramp the carpet in contemplation, but change my mind and walk towards the rare end of the flat across to the balcony. What a relief I was almost choked in there with the smell of her perfume trailing across the whole apartment. I don’t know why she fights with me, it’s now become a daily routine just before we try and snuggle up in bed together. I almost wish she would disappear at nights after our meal; I definitely wouldn’t mind sleeping unaccompanied.

Its going to be 11:57am, Come to think of it I have always been a recluse, and never really had the chance to know my mother, about my father I haven’t the vaguest clue. Legend has it that he was the strongest and heaviest amongst his siblings. Well am sure it’s just a myth because one look at my wretched frame and Id put even the retard round the block to shame. I must end this frivolous existence, what or who am I living for. She doesn’t care anymore about me her actions toward me reek of phoney love. I have reached half my life on this planet and I still haven’t found that one person I could snuggle up to for the rest of my life and who would contribute to my dreams.

12:19 pm there was one once but it lasted for only a few glimpses and then she was gone taken away as though by design so that I could never get to know her. Life is vindictive mine is spiteful. I must drink something to muster up the courage to take the step I have been contemplating for so many moons. This tastes good wonder where she got it from, she leaves it lying around as though she knows what I am contemplating and she is just there to give me that last shove across the hurdle; my life! Am drowsy she must have mixed something in it, is she trying to exterminate me.

4:00 pm gosh I must have been knocked out! Haven’t slept like this in days, I must shake this lethargy out of my head. I need a stroll to collect my thoughts and resume my singular purpose for today’s existence, my Death! 4:32 pm am out on the street, she locked me in again today I have expressed my displeasure at that so many times, that I am beginning to nag myself now. But she doesn’t care, I loathe this about her. It’s like I just don’t exist for her anymore and we are living separate lives within confines of the same walls and its stifling me from within. When did we become so detached?

It’s pleasant outside, 4:45 pm ever seen that line of people walking from one end of the block to another looking all grim and purposeful, but in actuality they are as clueless as I am always. Then why this facade, this deception this never-ending pretense. That’s it I am going to find the ultimate solution to my anguish. 5:12 pm I turn around and start hurriedly towards the flat. 5:15 am in that was a speedy retreat back. Home again to the numbness of the walls that resist my very being and defy my love for death.

I amble along across the corridor reach the balcony. We stay on the 19th floor; this isn’t going to be that easy. I precariously perch myself on the railing. There is a sudden swishing sound its all so confusing I can’t see a thing is this it. I am in her arms we are in the kitchen she lets go of me with out saying a word turns to the fridge pours me a drink and as always I let out a bogus purr and wag my tail at her.